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Just something to type

Thinking thinking thinking. . . . .

idk. . .

i really wanted to write about my photography experiences the other day. . . it takes some time to reflect.

I realized that i sometimes i really forget that i have "white presenting skin." In my opinion photography can been seen as this sort of pretentious / expensive "white," "colonizer," hobby.

Photograph also represents access to technology

photography has been to "capture," the "wilds," of "america"

its been used as evidence to reenforce manifest destiny.

I have found that it has been my experience that folks i meet people in the photography community they view me as the typical photographer, and they give me advice as such.

At first i found it difficult, and annoying, and i really didnt like their approach to how they talk to community members about their art.

*** if we can take a step back for a moment of gratitude. I'm grateful for all the reply i was ever forced to make for college classes. . . something about being forced to view someones work and say something positive, and trying to give advice or criticize in a nice way. . . .this is something alot of people in the photo community could benefit from. ***

But before i had difficulties with old white dudes, I found myself having to explain my art/ photography to my family. I have cousin who letting me know that my photos lack narrative. I found that to be hard to deal with.

I should have maybe seen the writings on the wall . . . . .

I knew from the beginning my art was different. I got into photography to take better product photos. . . I have yet to take a product photo . . . now its soo much more, but thats what initially got me interested into the "hobby."

what grew my passion? Paulie B youtube series Walkie Talkie, street photography, docmenting human life. Paulie presents a really positive uplifting supportive community and that not what i found to be my experience. . . . .

Listening to all the advice grew my perspective, and gave me my vision for my art.

as a artist i have a pesonal art philosophy, color palette, aesthetic, look. . . . i was never going to shoot color. HELLO im indigenous and gothic. . . .

basically what i heard over and over again was that i need to use color lens filters for my black and white photography . . . .

what it felt like was i was being told that im not doing photography right bc im not using lens filters. . . . .

so . . . .

finally i run into another b/w photographer . . . .

and i ask him what kind of filter he would use for photographing people of color

he said like african american?

i said sure.

he said no filter . ...

if i main plan on staying in community of people of color lens filter is not for me. . .

i kind of realized this when i researched doing different film types. .. i have this roll thats like othrochromtic . . .essentially this film makes red colors look black . . . .sorta similar to having a red filter. . without getting into the history of film. . its been primary customer is white folks, the tech has been to make them look good on film. . . .

I dont identity with being a photographer, i'm an artist documenting the site/ subject.

as a documentarian im not going to use a lens filter to make the sky look cool and my friends skin to have some sort of contrast.

i guess i can forgive them for thinking im a colonizer and im going to take pictures of boats or farms or some shit.

what does it mean to be a indigenous photographer ?

for me its mean to be an archivist and documentarian of ongoing colonial occupation, idk how else to check my privilege

i would like to think i put a lot of thought and intention into the things i do. . . its difficult to process when someone thinks im doing something wrong.

i appreciate their help, i would rather they asked about my art and try to understand me than assume what im doing is wrong or incorrect. . .


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